As a mentor coach, I often invite my mentees to think of their role as that of a detective or a researcher. Coaches and detectives share common skills that make their roles strikingly similar. A combination of those skills enables them to reveal patterns and beliefs, helping clients (and cases) reach successful outcomes.
For those newer to coaching or working on the evolution of your coaching style, embracing this detective-like approach can truly reveal hidden patterns and underlying beliefs that may be sabotaging progress. Just as detectives listen closely and gather clues to solve a mystery, coaches can support by tuning into their clients’ words and feelings to uncover what’s really holding them back. It’s a delicate process that requires a lot of intuition and a knack for asking the right questions. Just as a detective connects seemingly unrelated pieces of evidence, a coach can help clients see connections in their thoughts and behaviors. This newfound awareness can empower clients to become aware of and break free from their inner barriers and take proactive steps toward their goals.
The Heart of Deep Listening
One of the most valuable skills we can develop as coaches is the ability to listen deeply. This means more than just hearing the words our clients say; it’s about paying attention to the everything that is not said:
- a broader context and environment in which the client is speaking.
- emotions that clients might not verbalize;
- body language that accompanies them;
- facial expressions, and tone of voice;
- unspoken concerns and doubts that clients may have;
- underlying needs and desires that drive client behavior;
When I first started coaching, I remember working with a client who was frustrated with their career stagnation. She spoke about wanting to move forward, but as we talked, I sensed a hesitation in her voice. It was as if she was wrestling with something beneath the surface. By sharing my observation and inviting the client to reflect on that, we discovered that she held a belief that she didn’t deserve success. This was a huge breakthrough for her. It allowed us to address that belief directly and start working on strategies to turn it around.
Training Your Ears to Hear Hidden Messages
As coaches, we can train our ears to pick up on the subtle cues that reveal deeper truths. This involves listening for inconsistencies in what clients say, noticing when their energy shifts, and paying attention to recurring themes in their stories. For instance, a client might repeatedly mention feeling “overwhelmed” without directly connecting it to a specific cause. By honing in on this repeated word and exploring it further, we can uncover underlying issues such as a fear of failure or an unresolved conflict. Another key aspect is to listen for what is not being said. Silence can be just as telling as words. If a client avoids talking about a particular subject or gives vague answers, it might indicate an area of discomfort or a hidden belief that needs to be addressed. Learning to be comfortable with silence and giving clients the space to open up can lead to powerful breakthroughs.
The Power of Questions
Just like a detective asks questions to dig deeper, as coaches, we often ask questions that challenge our clients’ thinking and help them see things in a new light. The right question can open doors and illuminate hidden paths.
For example, rather than asking, “Why aren’t you achieving your goals?” I might say, “What fears or beliefs are getting in the way of your progress?” This shift in questioning can lead to profound insights. I’ve seen clients light up when they realize that what’s holding them back isn’t the lack of skills or knowledge, but rather the fear of failure or judgment. I’ve had many clients who, despite having the skills to succeed, find themselves stuck because they believe they aren’t worthy of success. These realizations can be incredibly liberating, allowing clients to move forward with a renewed sense of purpose. By helping them confront this belief and redefine what success meant for them, we could set her on a path to making progress in the areas that mattered to them.
Trusting Your Intuition
Intuition is a powerful tool in coaching, much like a detective’s instinct. It’s that feeling you get when something doesn’t quite add up or when you sense there’s more to the story. Developing this intuition requires practice and presence.
Strive to be fully engaged, letting go of distractions and tuning into the conversation. You may sometimes get a strong gut feeling about something your client said or how they’re feeling. Trusting those feelings can guide you to ask the right questions or explore a topic that might seem minor but is actually significant. Over time, I’ve learned that the more I trust my instincts, the more effectively I can support my clients.
The Journey of Continuous Learning
Just like detectives refine their skills with every case, we as coaches must continuously learn and grow. It is essential to learn from others, and reflect on our own experiences. Is it extremely helpful for coaches to find mentors and supervisors who resonate with them and to be open to feedback. Every session is an opportunity to learn something new, not just about your clients, but about yourself as well.
Luba Diasamidze PhD, PCC
Luba has been training and mentoring coaches extensively since 2020. She is a Certified Mentor Coach (CMC) and a Coaching Supervisor. Luba is trained in PCC Markers Assessment by the ICF and does performance evaluation at UpThink Coaching’s ICF Accredited Programs.
Reach out to Luba to work with her as your mentor coach.
Learn more about Advanced Coach Training (PCC Path) at UpThink Coaching