Most of the time in organizations leaders mentor and call this coaching. These two are not the same. A mentoring leader often transfers their experience and expertise to ensure knowledge continuity within the organization. Most of the time, mentoring involves sharing best practices from a more experienced professional with someone who is willing to learn. The purpose of coaching, however, is not knowledge transfer. It is about developing people’s capabilities, strengthening their inner resources, and maximizing their potential by eliciting solutions from them. Each modality has benefits, and everything depends on the purpose of the intervention.
There are some situations when there is a knowledge gap, and it would be quite difficult for a person to come up with their own ideas because some solutions require background knowledge. Sometimes there is an emergency, and saving time is more important. However, outside of emergencies, need for direct instruction and experience-sharing, developing people is part of most leaders’ job descriptions, so there must be some time spent on coaching.
A leader can never be in the same position as an external coach just because there is a conflict of interest. A leader cannot be fully unbiased when they talk to their people because there are certain roles and expectations. So it would be more accurate to talk about a coaching-competent leader, that is, a leader who possesses and applies coaching skills.
Recognizing Coaching Opportunities
How do you recognize the right moment to coach? Generally speaking, the opportunity for coaching emerges when:
- Someone seeks answers
- Someone seeks validation
- Someone feels stuck
- Someone externalizes responsibility
- Someone underestimates their own thinking capacity
And by “someone,” I don’t just mean individuals, I also mean teams and groups.
Developmental Coaching Situations
If the issue is about growth, then it will be developmental coaching.
- Career development discussions (When someone asks about growth or promotion.)
- High performer hits a plateau (When a strong employee feels stuck.)
- “Start of project” conversations. (Goal setting conversations, instead of overloading with instructions.)
- After a presentation or client meeting. Instead of giving immediate feedback, e.g. “How do you think that went?” you can ask them, “What would you keep or change next time?”
- Delegation Conversations. Before assigning a task, you could ask, “How would you approach this?” or “What would success look like from your perspective?”
- Retrospectives / Project Debriefs. Rather than conducting a top-down evaluation, ask open-ended questions, like “Where did we excel?” or “What would we do differently next time?”
Here’s More Examples of Coaching Contexts
Project Updates
When a team member gives a status update and pauses for direction. Instead of jumping in with solutions, the leader can ask:
- “Where do you see the main risk?”
- “What would you prioritize next?”
“What Should I Do?” Moments
When someone explicitly asks for answers. This is one of the most common coaching entry points. Ask:
- “What options have you considered?”
- “What feels most aligned with the outcome you want?”
Decision Paralysis
When someone overthinks or delays decisions, you can encourage them to think about that by asking:
- “What’s the real decision underneath this?”
- “What are you leaning toward?”
Performance Drop
When results are slipping but it’s not a competence crisis, instead of diagnosing, ask:
- “What’s getting in your way?”
- “What support would make the biggest difference?”
When a person comes to you with a question like “what should I do?”, sometimes people may have this question not because there is a competency gap. They could be perfectly competent, but there could be lack of trust in their own abilities or perceived lack of competence. If you always give them answers, it will take them a long time to develop that confidence, and some people never do. By coaching them you show your trust in them, that they have the ability to arrive at the answer themselves and they’re competent and knowledgeable enough.
Interpersonal and Emotional Situations
The next category is coaching around interpersonal relationships and emotional responses. These are more complex, because they are not transactional and they may require from you a higher level of presence, acceptance, and emotional intelligence. Some examples are:
Conflict Between Team Members
When someone brings interpersonal tension, you can support them in thinking about what a constructive conversation would look like.
Emotional Reactions (Frustration, Anxiety)
When someone vents or expresses stress.
Cross-Functional Misalignment
When someone blames another department, you can help them see the situation from the other party’s perspective.
Before Escalating to You
When a team member wants you to intervene.
A Coaching Mindset
Choosing to coach is a commitment to a mindset shift. It’s a personality transformation and a leadership style transformation. It does not start with asking questions instead of telling people what to do. You need to learn how to create the atmosphere of trust and safety which will encourage people to think creatively and come up with their own answers. Trusting that your people are capable and can come up with solutions that are as good as yours, despite your years of experience. A coaching mindset is also about being curious and a willingness to have a beginner’s mindset and be open to ideas. You’ll need to show acceptance and support of their ideas. Resist the urge to interrupt or jump in with your own ideas or solutions, even if you disagree with what you’re hearing or see it differently.
It’s no longer about you when you coach. If you find it difficult to give up authority, choose those coaching contexts where you find it easier to let go. You should not give up your expertise, it is super valuable. But you also need to select those areas where you are ready for people to try their own solutions and make a positive difference in their own ways. Coach around the topics where you are ready to let go of control and accept another person’s ideas, even if they do not coincide with yours.
There may be situations when clean coaching is not possible, especially if you run into a knowledge gap or a blind spot that is urgent to resolve. If you want to share your input, you can simply say, “Is it okay if I step out of coaching mode for a minute and give you my view? You don’t have to accept it, just let me know your thoughts around this.”
Attitudes That Support Coaching
Another attribute of a coaching mindset is an unbiased non-judgmental attitude. This means that you stop evaluating what people tell you and get really curious about other people’s narrative and how they see things and what makes sense to them.
Coaching is often defined as a partnership, so another attribute of a coaching attitude is being non-directive. You should not aim to lead someone towards your own solutions.
Do not ask a question and make the other person guess what you expect them to say. The other person will sense that, and they may no longer trust the coaching process.
Some people find it helpful to prepare and regulate themselves. Slowing down before the conversation, doing one slower breath cycle, releasing tension in the body. Regulate your nervous system because it sets the tone for the entire relational field. If you feel rushed inside, there’s a very high chance that you’ll be rushing the person you are talking to.
Choosing Coaching Moments
You are not expected to wear your coaching hat at all times. Choose specific situations and contexts where you intentionally want to show up as a coaching leader and empower your team, have them take initiative and show ownership. You don’t have to score a ten on every element of a coaching mindset. Even becoming slightly more curious, more open-minded, more collaborative, and less directive can already move the needle.
This article is part of our ICF-aligned coach training resources for leaders and coaches developing professional coaching practice. It explores coaching conversations in leadership, coaching mindset, and coaching opportunities in relation to ICF Core Coaching Competencies and developing coaching skills
The article is based on episode 23 of our Coaching with Confidence and Care podcast. If you enjoy podcasts and want to hear more professional insights and practical examples, you can listen to the full episode here.