One of the first things people expect to learn in coach training is how to ask good questions.
I get the same question from each of our coach training cohorts “Will you provide a list of questions that we can use in sessions?” Spoiler: the answer is always, “No. We will help you develop the skill of recognizing when to ask questions and knowing what and how to ask. You are not here to use questions from the list.”
I totally get it. Coaching is associated with questions. Open-ended questions, thought-provoking questions, questions that challenge assumptions, shift perspectives, and evoke awareness. We practice them, analyze them, collect examples, and sometimes spend a surprising amount of time discussing whether a particular question was powerful enough.
This is all for good reason. A well-timed question can interrupt habitual thinking, expose an assumption the client hasn’t questioned before, or open up a possibility they hadn’t considered. Learning to ask questions without leading the client toward our own conclusions is particularly important for those who are new to coaching.
During my years of training and mentoring coaches, I’ve always tried to get them interested in another idea: Are we sometimes so preoccupied with asking powerful questions that we overlook other, equally important ways of evoking awareness?
For example,
A client says something meaningful, perhaps something they have struggled to articulate for a long time. There is a subtle change in their voice, a hesitation, or a contradiction between what they have just said and what they were saying five minutes earlier. Then almost immediately, the coach asks another question.
That question is often fine. Yet I often invite coaches to wonder what might have happened if the coach had responded differently.
What else can a coach do to evoke awareness?
1. Reflect the client’s exact language.
Another useful intervention is to bring the client’s own words back into their awareness, particularly when they use emotionally charged expressions, metaphors, or absolute statements.
For example,
A client says, “I’m carrying this entire team on my shoulders.” Instead of asking, “What could you delegate?” the coach might reflect, “Carrying the entire team on your shoulders?”
The client may begin to examine what that expression means to them. Perhaps they realize how much responsibility they have assumed, or notice that being indispensable has become part of their professional identity.
The important skill here is hearing the resonance and recognizing which words deserve attention. Not every statement needs to be reflected, and repeating someone’s words mechanically can become just as unhelpful as asking questions mechanically.
2. Offer observations about patterns and contradictions.
Clients don’t always recognize patterns in their own thinking and behavior, particularly when those patterns are familiar and automatic.
For example,
Imagine a client who repeatedly says they want more autonomy for their team, yet every example they provide involves personally checking, correcting, or approving their employees’ work.
The coach might observe, “You’ve mentioned several times that you want your team to become more independent. I’ve also noticed that in each example you’ve shared, you’re still the person making the final decision.”
An observation like this can bring two seemingly incompatible aspects of the client’s experience into focus. The client may recognize a contradiction they hadn’t previously considered.
However, there is an important distinction between offering an observation and imposing an interpretation. “You don’t trust your team” is an interpretation. It may be accurate, but it may also reflect the coach’s assumptions. Describing what we have actually heard or noticed leaves more room for the client to make their own meaning.
3. Draw attention to changes in energy, emotion, or nonverbal expression.
What is happening in the conversation is just as important as what is being said.
For example,
A client may talk confidently about an upcoming promotion, but their energy changes noticeably when they describe the additional responsibility. They become quieter, hesitate, or appear less enthusiastic.
The coach might say, “I noticed your energy changed when you started talking about the responsibilities that come with this promotion.”
This creates an opportunity for the client to explore something they may not have consciously registered. They could be excited about the recognition but apprehensive about the role itself. Or perhaps the coach has misunderstood the change entirely.
We need to be particularly careful here. Nonverbal cues are ambiguous, and our interpretations are influenced by our own experiences and cultural assumptions. The coach can share what they notice without claiming to know what it means.
4. Use brief summaries to reveal connections across the conversation.
Summarizing is often treated as a basic listening skill, primarily used to check understanding or bring structure to the session. But a thoughtful summary can also be a powerful intervention.
For example,
Imagine a client who spends ten minutes describing difficulties with three different colleagues. The situations appear unrelated: one colleague doesn’t take initiative, another challenges decisions, and a third constantly asks for clarification.
The coach might summarize, “In all three situations, you’ve described feeling that you have to step in and take responsibility for making things work. And each time, you end up feeling frustrated that others aren’t taking enough ownership.”
The client may suddenly recognize a recurring dynamic that was difficult to see while discussing each situation separately. A useful summary does more than compress information. It makes relationships between different parts of the client’s experience more visible, while remaining open to correction.
5. Invite the client to notice what is happening in the coaching relationship.
Here’s a relational perspective: the patterns clients describe outside the session may begin to appear in their interactions with the coach.
For example,
a client talks about constantly seeking approval from senior colleagues. Throughout the coaching conversation, they repeatedly ask, “Does that make sense?” or “Do you think that’s the right approach?”
The coach might gently observe, “I’ve noticed you’ve asked me several times whether your thinking makes sense or whether I agree with you. I wonder if that’s something you’ve noticed as well. What could that mean in relation to the topic that we are exploring today?”
This can help the client recognize a familiar interpersonal pattern and explore their experience as it is happening.
Of course, this requires sensitivity. The coach must be able to distinguish between a meaningful relational pattern and their own interpretation of the client’s behavior. It also requires sufficient trust and an awareness of how the coach’s own responses may be contributing to the interaction.
6. Allow silence and emerging awareness to develop.
Sometimes the client has already begun an important process of reflection, and another intervention would interrupt it.
For example,
A client says, “I think I’ve spent most of my career trying to prove that I’m good enough.” They stop speaking.
A coach who feels compelled to keep the conversation moving might immediately ask, “What makes you feel that way?” But the client may need time to absorb what they have just said, connect it with their experience, or recognize its emotional significance.
Silence gives that process room to unfold. This doesn’t mean that longer silences are always better. A client who is confused, overwhelmed, or disengaged may need a different response. The skill is recognizing when the client is actively processing something and when they would benefit from further support.
Why do coaches sometimes rely too heavily on questions?
I think there are several reasons. For one, questioning is so strongly associated with coaching that it almost becomes part of our professional identity. From the very beginning of coach training, we learn to distinguish coaching from other helping professions through the way we ask questions rather than provide answers. We practice questioning extensively, receive feedback on our questions, and gradually develop a habit of responding to almost everything the client says with another question. Over time, this can become our default conversational response, even when another intervention might be equally or more useful.
At the same time, questions are a familiar social habit, particularly for naturally curious people. Many people enter coaching because they genuinely enjoy understanding others. In everyday conversations, curiosity is commonly expressed through asking questions. Coaches may bring this conversational habit into their professional practice and refine it considerably through training, without necessarily developing an equally natural repertoire of other responses.
Another reason is that many coaches, especially in the beginning of their journey, are very intentional in developing the skill of asking powerful questions, and that becomes a safe haven for many coaches.
Questions really work! Most coaches can probably remember a moment when a question asked at the right time completely changed the direction of a conversation, helped a client recognize something important, or opened up an entirely new perspective. These experiences reinforce our appreciation of questioning as an art, and rightly so. A truly insightful, well-timed question can be extraordinary. The challenge is that when we become particularly skilled at something, we may begin to rely on it almost automatically. We naturally gravitate toward the interventions we know, trust, and have seen work before, sometimes without considering what else might be possible.
Last but not least, questions are often perceived as the safest way to remain non-directive. Coaches are taught to avoid advice, assumptions, and imposing their interpretations. As a result, some become cautious about making observations, sharing what they notice, or offering direct challenges. A question feels less intrusive and more consistent with the principle that the client is the expert. Yet questions can be just as directive as statements, depending on what they invite the client to consider. Questions allow coaches to explore without explicitly revealing their own perspective. When a coach notices a contradiction, a recurring pattern, or an emotional shift, they can formulate a question that indirectly invites the client to examine it. Making an observation requires the coach to be more transparent about what they have noticed and to take responsibility for that observation. Some coaches may prefer questions because they are accustomed to keeping their own perceptions in the background.
Can you be a good coach without being particularly good at asking questions?
I would distinguish between a coach who needs to strengthen fundamental questioning skills and a coach who doesn’t depend on questions as their primary means of intervention.
At the foundational level, we absolutely need to teach coaches how to formulate questions, recognize leading language, challenge assumptions, and invite clients to think beyond their habitual perspectives. As coaches develop, I believe we need to expand their repertoire and, more importantly, their professional judgment. They need to recognize the different ways awareness can emerge and become increasingly intentional about which intervention they choose.
A reflection can be more useful than a question. An observation can make a previously invisible pattern apparent. A summary or bottom lining can reveal connections. Silence can allow an emerging realization to develop. And sometimes what happens between the coach and the client provides valuable information about how the client relates to others. None of these interventions is inherently more powerful than asking a question. Their value depends on what is happening for the client and what the coach is trying to facilitate.
My perspective as a coach educator, mentor coach and supervisor
I see an important difference between having a strong coaching technique and developing genuine versatility and mastery in coaching.
I am convinced that the way we teach coaching contributes to the habits coaches create in their work. Questions are relatively easy to identify, analyze, and discuss in a coaching recording. At the same time, over obsession with the quality of questions could be limiting to coaches.
In our programs we spend equal amount of time on helping coaches confidently use other interventions: the use of silence, relational presence, non-judgmental observations, emotions work, working with metaphors and non-verbal language. We invite coaches to reflect on their sessions holistically, and pay attention to the context, timing, and what is happening between the coach and the client.
A coach who is exceptionally good at asking questions should absolutely continue cultivating that skill. Having a range means that they also become equally comfortable offering an observation, reflecting a meaningful phrase, drawing attention to a relational pattern, or allowing a moment of silence to unfold. Most importantly, aim to develop the sensitivity to recognize which of these responses would best serve the client at that particular moment.
Luba Diasamidze PhD, PCC
Luba is an experienced executive and team coach with more than 2,500 hours of coaching experience with clients from over 45 countries. She has been training and mentoring coaches extensively since 2020. She is a Certified Mentor Coach (CMC) and a Coaching Supervisor. Luba is trained in PCC Markers Assessment by the ICF and does performance evaluation at UpThink Coaching’s ICF Accredited Programs.
Reach out to Luba to work with her as your mentor coach.
Learn more about Advanced Coach Training (PCC Path) at UpThink Coaching